wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
