Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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