the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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