I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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