you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize