Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
