So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
