Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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