The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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