He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just had sex on a roof
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
