i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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