i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
