I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
