need another drink. this is the easiest way
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
