You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
