I'm gonna have a badass scar
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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