C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
