so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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