I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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