"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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