Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize