Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
