don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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