I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
