he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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