nutella sex= disaster
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
