My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
