That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
