Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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