Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
