stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
