Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
