she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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