I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
