you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize