even my farts smell like vagina
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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