Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
