Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize