I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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