...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my phone needs a breathalizer
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
