you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
