3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
