Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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