I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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