Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize