party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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