I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
