love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
