How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
