oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Damn victory sex feels great
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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