I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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