the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
