You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
