There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
