i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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