She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
