He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
