I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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