Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
