i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize