Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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