I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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