Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
