I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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