ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We're too hungover to prance.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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