The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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