dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
