You made me cry and you don't even care
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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